#like i'm sorry but i'll be honest it's a toxic relationship in this fic

[shipsgaysfordays]

What? (Mary and Sirius POV)

Links to the other chapters here

I’m updating this fic again, I know it’s a shocker. I’m really hoping to get this done over the summer. Also, if you haven’t read any of this fic, I’ll be honest that I think it is totally possible to just jump in in this chapter. Like some shit might not make as much sense, but I’m happy if anyone gets into the fic at any point please.

“There’s a lovin’ in your eyes, all the way. If I listen to your lies would you say, I’m a man, without conviction? I’m a man who doesn’t know how to make a decision. You come and go, you come and go-o-o-o.” 

Mary’s portable radio emits Boy George’s voice, as Harry and her listen along. A stuffed bear in the boys hands, crochet together, sewn up in spots, thin with years of love causing stuffing to spew out.

As the chorus begins and the “karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon” is repeated over and over on the radio, Harry’s leg shakes with excitement and he flops the bear (Mr. Beary) ‘s arms around. 

 Sitting on the couch, Mary hears the sound of a car engine running, driving closer and closer. She grins from ear to ear at Harry, both gitty that his parents would be home in just a few moments. 

The door bangs into the wall with momentum, as Lily bolts inside, running into the living room, and wraps her son in her arms. Kissing him all over, Harry giggles. 

“See, I told you she would be home soon,” Mary smiled.

James walked in to find this scene, his wife and son together, and Mary just kind of there. 

“Well, I was going to ask if I could have my son, but he seems a bit preoccupied. How did things go with babysitting, Mary?” He turned to face her. 

“No fires, accidents, or pranks–so better than babysitting a drunk 16-year-old you,” she remarked. 

“Give him time, greatness wasn’t made in a day.”

“It’s Rome wasn't built in a day,” Lily corrects, brushing her hand in Harry’s hair,“and you better not be insulting this sweet boy, trying to make him a troublemaker like you.”

“Nothing of the sort, just leaving options open,” James grins. 

“Sure James, sure,” Mary winked. 

“I don’t believe McGonagall would appreciate ANOTHER POTTER terrorizing the school with mischief.”

“And I don’t believe Harry should have his head glued to a textbook for his whole schooling experience.”

James picked up a magazine, flipped to a random page and placed it down on his son's head. Harry held onto his new hat, making sure to keep it on as his mother incessantly began swatting it off.

“I’m not saying that–” Lily interjected.

“But it’s his decision.”

“What would you like to do Harry?” Mary cut in, “when you finally go to Hogwarts?”

The kid thought for a moment, his hand on his chin in an adorable yet deep in thought expression, he glanced at his mother and father, “Don’t know…”

“Nothing comes to mind?”

“It’s a secret.”

“A secret?” the three adults spoke in unison.

“Can we know the secret?” James asked as Lily let Harry down, him having gotten a bit too big to be held for super long. 

“You’ll find out later.”

Things went silent for a moment, until the little boy said, “Miss Mary can know.”

The husband and wife made an amused smirk as Harry waddled over and whispered in Mary’s ear, “Magic.”

Mary couldn’t help laughing, “Yeah, I think you’ll get plenty of opportunities to do that there.”

Harry leaned back over, “and quidditch!” He spoke just a bit too loud for the poor woman’s ear drums and for the secret status of the words.

Mary got up and tapped James on the shoulder, “He’s your son alright.”

“I’ve never felt the need to question the paternity of my child, but thank you for letting us know,” Lily quipped. 

“So,” Lily taps the seat on the couch next to her, staring into Mary’s soul while in mom mode, “how did things go while we were away?”

“They went fine, again, he’s eaten and slept, he’s alive and you’re happy, right Harry?”

Harry laid on the floor, playing dead. 

“Oh Merlin, we’ve lost him, noooooooo,” James played, shaking his son, “how could you do this Mary?”

“What did he eat?”  Lily rolled her eyes at the antics.

“Cheese on toast for dinner, some yogurt and fruit for breakfast, and we haven’t eaten lunch just yet but he’s stolen quite a few of my biscuits as a snack so he may not want lunch too soon.”

“How much sleep did he get?”

“We went to bed around…8,” Mary lied.

“Lily, stop trying to interrogate her,” James interjected as he shook Harry’s arms about, still trying to get him up and alive.

“I’m not–”

“You are, lying doesn’t look good on you dear, either of you,” he winks at Mary.

Harry giggles as James begins tickling his stomach. 

“HE’S ALIVE!” Mary gasps. 

“I think I may need to get some tools and experiment on this great discovery of necromancy, if you need me or patient zero, we’ll be up in his room,” James holds Harry’s hand and leads him out the room, turning to Lily and winking before heading up the stairs.

“What was the wink about? Are you guys gonna get into some…interesting stuff of your own later?” Mary smirks.

Lily’s face is redder than her hair. “What? Heh, no, ummm, actually….oh, how do I say this?”

“Probably verbally, you could try sign though, I’m still pretty new to learning it though so I may not get it.”

“You’re learning sign language?”

“Here and there, but that’s beside the point.” Mary leans in holding Lily’s warm cheeks with her hands, “What’s your secret? Would it be better to whisper in my ear like the kid did?”

Lily smiles, “James and I aren’t in a romantic relationship anymore.”

Mary’s eyes go as wide as the world, scratch that, the galaxy. 

“And that’s…okay, that’s good? You’re smiling about it, so…”

“Yes, it’s good, Mary.”

“So, you’re just fucking no strings attached…with a kid?”

“What? No,” Lily laughed, “I don’t–we just don’t feel that way about each other, we’re mates, and despite a long time of both of us denying it, we’re not really into each other.”

“Then why?” Mary asked, sounding as though a rock shattered her glass heart. 

“It made his parents happy, it made my parents happy, everyone expected it. It was some fated love, something that was bound to happen, but when it came down to it there wasn’t much there. James is amazing, he’s the best father any kid could have, but I never really wanted a husband and he never truly wanted a wife.”

“So, no more marriage for Madame Lily?” Mary plastered a smile onto her face.

“Maybe someday, if Harry’s fine with it and it’s not too awkward for all of us. Not to a man though, I’m…a lesbian.” 

“Oh…..did you find some gal here?”

“Sort of, she’s a lot more nearby than you would expect,” Lily leaned in. 

She’s not, she cannot be saying, no.

“Oh,” the sound came out of Mary’s mouth without her even thinking of it, not even knowing as the neurotransmitters had sent signals from her brain right through the larynx and the sound landed out of her lips. 

“I missed you, more than anything else in the world, I missed you,” Lily’s eyes were like moss, beautiful clumps of colors, begging to be seen, to be known, to be loved once more by this viewer of the earth. 

“I missed you too, but–” Mary started.

Rudely she was interrupted by the sound of a loud thud and crackle of wall by the garage entrance followed by a quite loud “DAMN IT.”

(Changing to Sirius’ POV for a bit because it’s necessary for the story)

At  the scene of the destruction as James is transfiguring the wall to be fixed with Sirius next to him, a little bit of blood on zer knuckles. 

“I know that they are hurting and I need to give him time, but I am hurting too. And I love Moony, but…I am hurting too and I want to help him but I’m not even whole. How can I give myself when all that’s left are broken pieces and parts and screams and breaking walls and–” Sirius’ hands moved wildly as ze spoke, all culminating in zer sitting in the fetal position. 

“Sirius,” James interrupted, “you’re fine to give yourself time, we could play some quidditch or do something else that you love, your world doesn’t have to revolve around Moony.”

Sirius stared off.

“I don’t know how to be with them anymore, still I don’t know how to live without them. They’re everything to me, and just yesterday they were trying to kill me.”

“Give yourself space.”

“But he needs–”

“He needs to figure themself out, just the same as you, you need to figure out whether it’s more beneficial to figure yourselves out together or apart.”

“I’ve been away from them for years, I don’t want to waste whatever time…” Sirius started to tear up.

“It’s not wasting time to get out, Sirius, but the decision is up to you.” James held zer hand up and examined it, “episkey,” he mutters softly. 

There’s a moment of silence as the two men look at each other, the years wearing on both of them though more visibly obvious in Sirius, as though ze had been in Azkaban for 12 years rather than simply 3. Bandages still on zer neck. Hair long and knotted. Eyes having lost so much of the light and joy that James loved to see in his friend. 

Their silence was interrupted by an only slightly muffled “FUCK” coming from outside. 

Sirius had been staring off, in a bit of a trance. 

“I’m going to go…check on them, can I? Will you be fine?” James touched zeir shoulder to get zer attention. 

Ze nodded, “Just fine Prongs, just fine.”

(Mary POV once more)

When the women arrived at the sight of Sirius sitting on the ground and staring into space, Lily slowly slipped away as Mary turned to her and made a face. James looked at Mary and waved her off, mouthing “I’ve got this.” And despite Mary’s constant desire to interject, she too backed out of the situation knowing that her presence may make things too much for Sirius. 

“I’m gonna make some tea, and maybe some sweets to go along with it. That would convince Remus, they always loved sweets, right?” Lily looked to Mary for assurance after they were out of earshot from James and Sirius. 

“Yeah…” Mary stared back, are we gonna talk about, her mind wandered. 

Flour, cocoa powder, sugar, baking soda, salt, everything that could get on the counters and their clothes somehow did get on the counters and their clothes. Finger sandwiches being made and cut. Store bought croissants being placed on a pan to be warmed up to hopefully fool Sirius into believing they homemade them. Gooey brownies leaving a sweet scent through the room. 

As things were coming out of the oven and cooling off, Lily placed a pot of water to boil and stood next to Mary, both women stacking goodies onto plates. 

“I really did miss you,” Lily said, looking down. 

Unsure of what to say, Mary let the silence afterwards continue. 

“Through all of it, honestly…”

“I missed you too,” Mary finally responded, “but–”

Lily closed the little distance that was between them, her warm breath tingling on Mary’s skin, “but?” she taunted. 

“I–I don’t know if this is right,” Mary’s face was as hot as a furnace, “I don’t know if I can trust you anymore or love you that way anymore after everything.”

“Just be with me now, please, you’re everything to me,” Lily held Mary up against the fridge, and snogged her.

What about James? What about Harry? You have a family that I am not a part of. But Mary doesn’t say the quiet part out loud because she honestly did miss this.

[duskandcobalt]

Hiii, Santa here! Sorry for disappearing, it's been quite a few busy days, but I'm back with my questions hehe

Btw the anon ask about Elain wasn't me, but thank you for using the acotargiftexchange tag anyway because the more I know, the better! 🤍

Since you've mentioned it in that post, my first question is, Earth magic witchy Elain? Could you elaborate? I'm not sure I've ever heard that one before and now I'm curious 👀

Here's what I already wanted to ask:

1. Since last time I asked this about Elain, now I gotta ask about Azriel to make it fair. What's your favorite thing about him and is there anything you don't like?

2. How are we feeling about Christmas vibes in the fic? Or would you prefer a more everyday kind of vibe? And since we're on the topic of vibes, I was thinking of going with a fluffy fic because, well you know, it's Christmas. But if you'd rather read something else, please let me know 🙏🏻 I'm here to please

3. Is there anything you think you have in common with either Azriel or Elain? Passions, hobbies, personality traits… anything

4. How did you get into the ACOTAR books and fandom?

This time they're all acotar related, I'm sorry 😭 I have so much I'd like to ask but I don't want to flood you with questions, so I'll stop here since there are already so many (but I'll be back soon 😈)

Hope you have a lovely weekend!

-🎅🎅🎅

Hi Santa!! I’m so sorry it’s taken me five years to reply to this but I’m here now 😊

Okay re: earthy/witchy Elain… I am obsessed with the idea of Elain have some sort of witchy powers and working with herbs etc and I think she may also have some sort of power of life if that makes sense? I’m honestly horrible at explaining things but if you want to know what I’m on about, @wingedblooms has incredible theories that they’ve put heaps of time into explaining beautifully!

Onto your questions…

1. My toxic trait is that I loooove a quiet, mysterious man that doesn’t say much and is lowkey terrifying and Azriel ticks all those boxes. They’re like a little puzzle to solve and I love a challenge that has major potential to hurt me …. But!! I love that he really sees and understands people and you can tell that he genuinely cares for the people around him and even though he doesn’t talk much, he’s always listening and learning. One of my favourite things in the world is Azriel’s relationship with Nesta - the way I cried when he gave her the book light for solstice and she hugged him should be studied 😭😭😭 it’s one of my favourite parts of the whole series.

There’s not much I don’t like about him, to be honest - at least nothing that I can think of off the top of my head! I guess regifting the necklace wasn’t his brightest moment but in the words of Lana Del Rey, 🎵you’re just a man… it’s just what you do 🎵

2. I LOVE a fluffy, Christmas vibe!! Azriel canonically loves a holiday, who am I to deny him of a fluffy moment 🎄

3. I have so much in common with them, I think that’s why they’re my faves bc I feel like I know them personally 😭 I looove baking and cooking and I love to do things for people. I love a grandma craft. I don’t think we know much about Azriel in way of hobbies but I’ve decided he loves music and so do I. I am also a big time quiet friend (in real life, idk why I can’t shut up online), listener not talker, and so will dole out advice when necessary a la the spymaster so we’ve got that in common

4. I don’t even know!!! I’m so late to the game, I was a big lit fic girlie (still am) but my friend was reading the first one and I’d seen it all over TikTok and I am SO easily influenced… I picked it up July 8th last year and I’d finished all of ACOTAR and ToG by August 15th 😅 it’s a high I’ve been chasing ever since and it reignited my long lost love for reading so I’ll forever be thankful to it… plus it led me back to writing and this amazing community

I’m sorry I’ve yapped again!! Hope you enjoyed this novel lol

ILY!!!

[wonhosmistress]

Aphrodisia;Prologue

(NSFW)

Word Count: 1,196

Warnings: Slight mention of Kinks, sexual BDSM themes, sex work, and lastly, TW! toxic-ish relationship mentions. Think I missed some? Lmk and send me a dm, I'll update this.

A/N:I have no IDEA how long this took for me finish because I’ve been teasing this series for a couple months with the only two teasers I mentioned of Hyunjin. Seems I have a lot of sub!Hyunjin enthusiasts because same y’all. 😩I promise to finish the Hyunjin before June ends and after that I’ll focus more on other members.

Anyways! This is the prologue enjoy this unfiltered, unedited, there will be hella grammar mistakes and I don’t plan to edit it because it’s too much work and I honestly just want to post ASAP. It’s been far too long since I’ve written and had any sort of inspo to write. Thanks to my dear mutual @nirvanawrites111 she gave me hella inspo with her amazing works!! I’m obsessed with her writing please go do me a favor and read her amazing stories/fics.

Also I tried to add the read more on mobile but I’m a dumbass and idk how to work tumble mobile sometimes lmao. So I apologize for anyone that will see this and doesn’t want to see it.

As a result of unsuccessful relationships and partners being concerned about where she went or what she was doing, she became more secretive about her whereabouts. Even though she wanted to be honest and open with them, she hesitated on many occasions; if she were to be bold and unapologetic they would go insane and ask questions like, "Why did you choose this job out of all the others?", "Are you cheating on me?", etc.

Those tiresome scenarios were one of the reasons she was always the one that broke it off with them, and so she took it upon herself to take a break from her dating life to focus on herself.

She had a job that wasn't just any regular job.

OnlyFans? No

Camgirl? No.

A phone Sex worker? No.

Feet pics? No.

Used panties? No

For her working at night was ideal because her sleeping schedule only allowed her to be a night owl. Even before any partner appeared in her life she was still in the process of discovering a whole new part of herself that she wasn't aware existed, and here she was in a dungeon that she had been hired at over a year ago and was one of the few popular dommes among the clients.

"How are you feeling?", She stood next to the man sitting on the loveseat.

"I'm good, Mistress." He smiled at her.

"Would you like some water?" He nodded in response.

She walked towards the room next door and back to the playroom to hand him the bottle.

She crouched down to his level to face him as well to check in with him, "How are you feeling? Was it too much?", she asked curiously as to how she could improve. What she should've done is saved that question for the head domme but she didn't and took the risk.

"No. Not at all. It was perfect, I enjoyed every second of it."

He faced her smiling at him and held her hand realizing he shouldn't be doing that.

"I'm sorry...may I?" She smiled warmly at him not pulling her hands away from his grasp.

"I just wanted to say thank you."

While she had not broken skin or drawn blood, she still left a few red welts on him. She grabbed the first aid kit in the corner and treated his wounds, trying to be as gentle as possible.

"No need to thank me. You went out of your way to give it a shot when you could've easily backed out and I would've still respected your decision. BDSM isn't everyone's cup of tea and so we've learned to respect everyone's decision."

She applied a first-aid ointment to every single red mark on his back; he hissed at the lightest touch, "I'm sorry, I know it hurts I'm just trying to make sure these heal quickly and nicely."

"I know and I appreciate it."

"Done." She stood up and handed him his T-shirt. "Make sure to take a warm bath or shower after you get home and keep applying ointment on the marks afterward.

He smiled at her making his way toward the exit.

"Will do.",

She smiled at him and nodded, seeing him off.

That was one of the roughest BDSM scenes she had done in a while. She would like to take time to make sure her submissive didn't go into a sub-drop, but sadly she couldn't. If it were her, she would go out of her way to remain with every submissive for a bit longer. However, her boss had to remind her that they only came here for a service nothing more. Because of this, she couldn’t be there for more than ten to fifteen minutes with her clients after their sessions ended.

~~~~~

"See you tomorrow night!" Her boss told her as they both headed in different directions.

She silently walked for the next couple of four blocks by herself and finally got closer to her apartment. She walked up the stairs and opened the door to her place. The second she got in she took off her shoes left them at the entrance and hung her purse on the rack.

Exhausted and couldn't even begin to explain how she felt after handling four subs back to back today. It was not an ideal situation for her couldn't handle more than two subs a day because her anxiety and insecurities kept creeping back up on her.

She meditated, journaled, exercised, and even set days apart for self-care plus, she detoxed from her constant electronic use. She ate healthily and did her best to keep her homey environment clean and organized. However, regardless of what she did something inside her told her she couldn't keep doing this.

She craved something new and stable.

She loved domming but maybe because of all her ex-partner's insecurities of themselves as she hid her true identity was reflecting on herself.

Could it be that deep inside she was ashamed of her job and what she did?

Years ago when she discovered the person she truly was glowed with confidence. How could she even be a dominatrix if she wasn't sure of herself and her current job?

Oh no.

She was experiencing not only her anxieties but also a dom drop.

Telling her boss; she was fine could've been a mistake because she was responsible for taking care of her dommes since half of them didn't have a partner to take care of them.

Fuck.

~~~~~

Two years Later:

Two years and a half of learning Korean were a big help during the entire process of her moving across the world. She wasn't fluent yet but could manage conversations with her neighbors, classmates, and strangers. And so here she was, sitting inside a cafe shop a couple of blocks from the Korean class she had just finished attending.

It seemed like only yesterday, she was experiencing the worst anxiety and burnout from only a year of working as a domme which was odd considering that she had never once felt like that before. But it made sense since she kept getting the gnawing feeling that she shouldn't have gotten into the dominatrix world way too early and so she took it upon herself to resign to take time for herself; and continue her future as domme by researching more information about the career, lifestyle, and possibly a new business.

The grueling work of research, language learning, space vacancy, furniture shop, etc made her take a step back and reconsider if she could do this all by herself. Thankfully, after taking a couple of weeks to continue her research she found herself posting on an exclusive adult site looking for dommes to work with her.

After returning calls and doing interviews she had successfully found four dommes who wanted to continue their careers in the kink community and so never once she thought, that she out of all people would be involved with any of Korea's music industry. Especially the ever so sexually frustrated men of Kpop that had an image and reputation to uphold in the industry, their companies, and not to forget their fans.

[heilene]

Samura! 1, 6, 18, 29!

Hello! 1. Why do you like or dislike this character? Truth be told, the first time I like Samura was because that art of Erra's, of Samuyura one (where Yura "opens" Samura's buttons). It was so erotic and sexy, my brain was Braining. Then, I got a Secret Santa request, a Samuyura fic. I'm by the book girl so before and while I write the fic, I had to do character study. I reread chapters that has Samura in it countless times, and it began to dawn on me, hey, this guy is interesting as fuck. Then Samurabachi started (still ongoing, to be honest), and every weeks, his characters always did something Surprising. Wow, this guy is beyond interesting, I'm intrigued what he'll do next. And he looks SO DAMN SEXY AHHHHHHHHH I must resist. What I dislike? Sir, please communicate. Stop trying to shoulder the burden alone! I don't know what you guys did back in Seitei, but does it mean you are allowed to k word your student?? NO! (Uruha my baby I'm so sorry). And why did you procreate?? Bringing children to the world, while you yourself is in pain? Oh I don't understand him. BUT. All those likes and dislikes, made him a very interesting character that, oh, I'll put an eye on you, sir. (And please sir you are so damn sexy I can't do this) 6. What's something you have in common with this character? We are both hypocrite. Heh. And we love to shoulder things by ourselves! And plenty others tbh but sadly I'm not as sexy as him. 18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire? Wait this is hard. Samura pushes away everyone in his life. He lives by himself, in solitude. Even when he was under the care of Masumi, he did his best to be as little of nuisance as possible. Who he's close with? Shiba? They are just on friendly terms. Yura? In wedding-ring bonded toxic relationship. Uruha, his student? K word. Daughter? Sealed away. The bodyguards? Fired them. Uhhh... I guess I admire his insistence to just be by himself? 29. Could you live as this character, would you? If not, what would you change so that you could? I would. His life, now that I think deeply about it, has layers that are very similar to mine (this could answer question 6). I would not want to have any offsprings, though. Life is hard enough, no kids please.

[badsmellyboy]

Pairings: Fred Weasley x fem!oc

Warnings: none(?)

Masterlist

Summary: this is a chapter from one of my in the works fred fics,, I really love it and I wanted to share !!

AN: ok my ocs name is Paulina Gaunt, nickname Polly,, she was previously in a toxic relationship with (another oc) Darius Malfoy, aka Draco's older brother :-)

☆

"I just want to make you happy. I'm sorry," I said softly with sincerity, my eyes on the sleeve of his shirt. I was scared to look up. I knew he could see right through me and it hurt. I couldn't bear to look up to his eyes.

"You never have to try. You always do, just be."

This is when I look up to him, my eyes glossy. I tried my hardest to choke back the sob I was holding in. Whatever wall that i had up with Darius, making me brave and unbothered- Fred broke it every time.

At the look of my pink face he cupped my cheek, smoothing my imperfect skin almost anticipating tears to fall. And they did. I didnt make a sound in fear of ruining something- as if everything wasnt already messed up. Him caring so much for someone like me.

"I dont understand." I dont think I'll ever understand. He was a miracle from above.

He leaned closer.

"Are you gonna make me say it?" Fred humoured. I smiled warmly at him, just everything him.

"Fred."

And at that, me saying his name simply, he kissed me and I kissed him back as to tell him 'Say it, Fred. Say it so I dont have to. Say it so I know I'm not mad. Say it to heal my heart. I love you.'

When he pulled away I felt incomplete. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he felt that too.

"I really like you, Polly."

Love, Fred, I love you.

"I do too. Like you."

You're a bad liar, Paulina.

"Do you?" I smack him on the shoulder with a playful smile. Yes. His hands still rest on me.

"You sure you can handle my chaos?" Yes, Fred. I'll take it all with open arms.

"I've put up with it fine all the years I've known you," I smirked and he returned the favour.

"I guess you have."

There was a silence, a pleasant feeling that lingered. Just the two of us under the moonlight, the stakes high of midnight wanderers happening upon us. We didnt care, our faces still spread with amazed smile at eachother.

"What does this mean?" He broke the quiet with the everlong question that had plagued my mind whenever I thought of him. He never knew how much i thought that question. He wouldve teased me endlessly if I told him.

"Whatever you want it to mean- whatever it does mean to you, I'm yours either way," I said so quietly as the words escaped my lips, fearing it was too desperate. I wanted to scream it from the hills and let my confessions echo off the treeline. It was something Darius wouldve liked to hear.

It felt like a wrong thing to say to Fred but by the look in his eyes he felt it endearing. And good of that, because I really did mean it.

"Ive wanted to tell you this for too long now, since before I knew you like I do now," He gazed off. "And now I know you and- well, you're a thing of Merlin."

I was star struck, in that moment. He was being so honest about his caring for me. He broke down another wall of me that was embarrassed of my own caring. I let it fall.

"You always know what to say, Weasley. It's what breaks my heart the most," I took a breath. He was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to go on.

"You're too good for me. It scares me. I've watched you with admiration before I knew it was desire. You're brilliant, you are, but you confess this to me without caring that if return the favour it will change everything. I'll change you, I'll exhaust you with my past, you'll have to fight for me unless you dont think it's worth it. I dont blame you if it's not."

Fred's expression doesnt change, as if was expecting what he heard.

"Polly. I dont think you understood what I meant when I told you I liked you."

"Well you didnt elaborate on much," I try to humour and he returns in a smile, a smile that will always calm my nerves. I notice his hands went from my face when we kissed, to my hands and now slipped to my waist.

"I know you, Polly. I know your good and I know your bad. I know that whatever you think ruined you could never lead me away from you. I want you in the most honest way a man like me could be. That's what I meant when I said I like you."

He said everything I ever needed to hear. So I kissed him harder than I have ever kissed anyone. And with my lips I told him my love- he kissed back with the same passion.

☆

[alinesart3]

Skyfall: Part 1

This fanfiction is written by me and @mostsanenikolaikinnie on pinterest

Pairings: fyodor x nikolai (toxic), sigma x nikolai

Warning: language, su1c1de attempt, god complex

A/N: Fyodor is the doa leader (no fukuchi in this fic) Also sometimes fyodor and the others might seem a bit out of character.. sorry for that

This is my first fic.. btw english is not my first language

Word count: 1 888

"But Fyodor, darling.. I just wanted to show you my new magic trick!" Nikolai and Fyodor were in the main office of the Decay of Angels organization, which was located in the Sky Casino thousand feet above the city of Yokohama. Nikolai had barged into the leader's room, excitedly waving with his arms and ecstatic to show Fyodor his latest trick. "Who allowed you to enter my office?!" Fyodor switfly turned around and stared at Nikolai with a piercing look in his eyes. "No one" Nikolai giggled "but that's okay, though, since you're my sweet husband whom I love so much!" Nikolai ran up to Fyodor and smiled broadly. "STOP TALKING! The only reason I'm still able to bare your constant annoyance is for that book we need. Once that's over with, I'll drop you off on the side of the road and leave you to finally perish." Fyodor leaned closer to Nikolai and spoke slowly to make sure his every word came across loud and clear "Now leave. I do not want to waste any more of my precious time with a creature like you. Someone like you doesn't deserve to even breathe the same air as me, let alone live!" His words and tone in voice became more aggressive every word he said. Nikolai turned his head slightly to the side and placed his hand on Fyodor's "but honey.." Fyodor ripped his hand back and wiped it on his cloak "You call me "honey" one more time and you will never see the light of day again!" Sigma, who was standing in a corner, eating cookies, observed the two self-proclaimed "lovers" (with self-proclaimed I obviously only mean Nikolai) yell back and forth. "Damn, these two DESPERATELY need relationship counselling.. I better leave before I'm Fyodor's next target.." he thought while slowly and quietly backing out of the room.

A few minutes of back-and-forth yelling later, Nikolai left Fyodor's office and closed the door. "Hey Nikolai, are you okay?" Sigma watched as Nikolai disappointedly exited the room. Nikolai looked up at him sadly and sighed "I.. I just wanted to show him my magic trick!" He felt his eyes fill with tears "WHAT DID I DO WRONG?! HOW DID I MANAGE TO MESS IT ALL UP SO BADLY!?" Sigma awkwardly looked off to the side, he was getting tired of their daily arguments, but he just smiled at Nikolai to try to cheer him up. "To be honest, they should just end their relationship at this point" Sigma thought "Hold on, were they even together? Fyodor never said anything about that stuff.. but maybe he's quiet when it comes to that. He doesn't really show any sort of love or affection towards Nikolai.. so I still have my doubts. On one hand I feel quite bad for Nikolai, every day he gets this bad treatment. Does he really deserve it? On the other hand, Fyodor has clearly expressed himself to Nikolai. Oh well.." Nikolai, who was still bawling his eyes out like a little girl, started pacing up and down the room, complaining "Oh, Fyodor, why must this all be so complicated? Why can't you just accept my love?! WHY MUST I GO THROUGH THIS TORTURE?!" Sigma watched Nikolai, silently judging his decisions "I don't know how he lets this slide.. What does Fyodor do to him?" Nikolai sat down on a chair and hid his face in his hands "I just want to be loved by my darling Fyodor and I can't even get that! I'm just trying to make you feel loved and cared about, be the best for you and you still can't accept the fact that I LOVE you! WHY?!" Sigma walked up to Nikolai and put his hand on his shoulder in attempt to comfort him "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Nikolai looked up at Sigma with tears streaming down his face "I DON'T WANT ANYTHING OTHER THAN FYODOR'S LOVE AND ID DO ANYTHING TO RECIEVE IT" he switfly stood up and ran out of the room. Sigma watched him and shook his head "I can't stand his constant whining about Fyodor.." he frowned and walked away. "Hello Sigma." He heard a voice behind him and turned around. It was Fyodor. "What's with the annoyed face?" "Oh, hello, Sir. It's just Nikolai. He seems to take everything you say very personally." Fyodor didn’t seem very bothered by that. "He deserves it" he said with an annoyed tone. "Don't you think you're taking it a bit too far, Sir? I mean, every day he cries about you. Maybe you should apologize.." Fyodor looked at Sigma coldly "are you telling me what to do?" Sigma quickly denied Fyodor's accusation. He didn't want Fyodor to get angry at him too. "No sir! I just-" but before Sigma could explain, Fyodor cut him off "Maybe it’s not that bad of an idea, actually" he said, seeming to consider that option. “Anyway, you may return to your work. I hope you know what to do” Fyodor turned around and started walking towards the room where Nikolai was.

As Fyodor entered, Nikolai was sobbing in a corner on his knees turned away from the door and covering his face with his hands. As soon as he noticed Fyodor, he quickly wiped away the tears from his face and tried to act as if he's okay "Oh, hello, darling!" Fyodor looked down at Nikolai with a deadly stare "How many times have I told you not to call me those things?" He walked over to Nikolai and slapped him. Nikolai put his hand on his cheek, where he could feel a burning pain and looked down sadly, the tears reforming in his eyes. Fyodor bent over, grabbed Nikolai by his hair and pulled it to make him look Fyodor straight in his eyes. "Pathetic. And that's all you'll ever be. Just a pathetic, weak and disgusting. Stop trying to live in your own ideal universe where I love you, because there is none. I could never love someone like you. I am a god and you are a useless pile of dirt. You are a disgrace to the DOA and I am ashamed of you. Never have I ever met a person who disgusts me more with their inability to accept the truth and deal with it. You’re such a delusional crybaby. Grow up and learn to accept that I will never, ever love you." Fyodor let go of Nikolai and turned around, leaving him to fall over. "Don't talk to me unless I allow you to. I want to forget your existence as good as I can" and then Fyodor left and closed the door loudly. Nikolai sat on his knees in the dimly lit room and stared into the void for a few minutes, completely broken and depressed, feeling all numb and devoid of emotion.

Sigma was conveniently walking by the room Fyodor had just ridiculed Nikolai in and as he saw Fyodor leave, he decided it was better to go check on Nikolai. As he walked towards the room, he realized there was no sound. No crying, no sobbing, no nothing. "Is Nikolai dead? Did Fyodor kill him?!" Sigmas thoughts were messing with him and he got worried and ran into to the room, only to see Nikolai looking out the window of the sky casino. "Oh, thank God. Now don't mess this up, you don't want to make him even more upset." Sigma started walking to Nikolai and looked out the window with him. "Are you okay, Nikolai?" Sigma spoke softly so that he wouldn't startle Nikolai and make him feel comforted after how Fyodor treated him. Nikolai avoided the question and kept staring out the window. "Isn't the weather just lovely?" Sigma noticed Nikolai didn't sound one bit sad when he spoke. He sounded.. empty. "Yes.. it is indeed.." Sigma sounded slightly concerned for Nikolai since he always had this happy and excited personality, but now it was the complete opposite. "Do you like birds? I love them. They can fly wherever they want, be completely free. I wish I could be like them, fly and be free.." Nikolai watched as a group of white doves flew by. Sigma was slightly confused by the random question, but didn't want to offend Nikolai so he just went with it. "Yes, that would be nice.." Sigma looked at Nikolai, he really didn't show any sign of emotion or feeling in him. "I wonder what Fyodor did to him to make him like this.. should I ask? No.. I shouldn't remind him.. I bet he was really harsh.." Sigma sighed and looked back out the window. After a while of admiring the blue sky, Nikolai broke the silence "Tell me, Sigma.. how do you think Fyodor would react if I died..?" Sigma was completely taken aback by the question "Huh?! What do you mean?!" Nikolai remained calm and turned towards Sigma, asking him more questions "Do you think Fyodor would care if I died? What would he do? Would he be happy? Would he cry? Would he feel regret? Tell me, Sigma" Sigma sighed, realizing there was no way of avoiding Nikolai’s questions. "Nikolai.. some people just do not fit together and that happens to everyone. We need to accept the fact that sometimes all we can do is move on. We can't spend our entire life sulking about one person when there are many more chances of finding great people. Especially don't sulk about someone who you know doesn't want anything to do with you. Just let them go and find more meaningful people. People who actually care for you. Nikolai, you need to stop obsessing over Fyodor and move on." Nikolai quietly listened to what Sigma had to say, and as he did so, he put his hand on the window frame. Sigma looked at Nikolai’s hand and started speaking with desperation in his voice. "Nikolai, I just want the best for you and I'm trying to give you advice. It pains me to see you in such despair because of your love for Fyodor. I'm sorry, but what he says is true. He’ll never be able to love you." Nikolai gripped the window frame tighter. Sigma started feeling very worried. "What are you doing?" A single tear rolled down Nikolai’s cheek. Sigma felt the fear build up in him. "Nikolai?! Tell me, what are you doing?!" Nikolai turned towards the window one more time "Sigma, do you remember how I said I always wanted to fly like a bird?" Sigma suddenly realized. His eyes shot wide open and he felt uneasy, as if it all was just a bad dream. "No! Nikolai, please don't!-" Nikolai took off his coat that let his create portals, basically teleport himself and objects. He got up on the window frame and looked over his shoulder, at Sigma. Sigma couldn't believe what he was witnessing and couldn't do anything but watch. "At least I had one real friend after all.." Nikolai smiled at Sigma as he let himself fall. Sigma snapped out of his paralysis and reached out to grab Nikolai, but he was too late. "NO! NIKOLAI!" he burst out into tears as he saw Nikolai falling, impossible to ever reach again.

Part 2 coming soon!

(Or not, depends on my time lol)

If you have any suggestions, tips, etc. I’d love to hear them!

[moon7jay]

i'll be honest, i was on a tumblr hiatus/break but then remembered cherry was supposed to come out and legit read it at like 3 am. i loved it so much like it was most definitely worth the suspense being built up, the preview was amazing and the final work was even better because it was just so well done. i like how much the character of yn was explored and not just left empty and blank like some writers do to make it more 'inclusive'. she had such a great character and it was probably the MOST relatable yn i've read or come across. i like how the bodily issues were explored and that although they played a pretty big role in shaping the character, they weren't what the character's personality is dependent on. they were a part of her insecurities which made her the type of person she was but it was portrayed and written in such a manner that it was clear that that isn't what her character arc is about. i think i have NEVER come across a fic which made me hate jay the loml, but your fic did it for me. I HATED HIS CHARACTER SO MUCH OH MY GOD. which only proves how well written it was, with the whole 'nice guy' persona, the smooth talker who is just another misogynist. now to heeseung's character, i love how he was a bit of a pushy person yet never overstepped his boundaries. he was clearly written to be a 'toxic' person and that shows, but it was clear he was self aware and ig he was trying to be better. i also loved the relationship dynamic she had with her family, how well written the relationship between her and her brother was, and, how sweet the dynamic between suzy and her was. overall it was an amazing fic and you overdid yourself. i am definitely gonna reread it as much as i can. if there's gonna be an epilogue i would love for it to explore some more on heeseung's character and heeyn's relationship together. that's it and take care, have a nice day love.

Oh my god first of all, thank you for taking so much time to write this message, I'm really overwhelmed by the love cherry has been receiving, I honestly have no words.

THANK YOU, I really wanted thos fic to be y/n centred, her life, her issues, what makes her HER, and what makes heeseung so obsessed with her, it all ties up to her character, so it needed to be explored. I'm soo glad you loved all the relationship dynamics😭I tried really hard to make them all blend in and look natural. Also I'm sorry that you related to this y/n, hugs for you 🫂🤍

Can't believe I made people hate jay, sorry jay loml I will still fuck you :(

Thank you thank you, I can't express my gratefulness 🥹🫶, there will definitely be an epilogue‼️ and I'll totally explore heeyn's relationship more in it, some fluff because y'all have had enough pain dosage.

You too take care luviee<333

[thebookreader12345]

750 Followers Celebration - Q&A

Thank you so much for supporting me through this journey! You guys don't know how much this means to me. Every single one of you is amazing.

Below the cut are my answers to the questions that you all submitted.

Q: Do you think Jay is going to become Sergeant this season? A: There has been a lot of debate over this question because of the past few seasons and all of the "Easter eggs", like the sergeant exam poster hanging in the background of the show. In my opinion, I do not believe Jay will become Sergeant. Yet. I think it won't be until the beginning of next season because, if this is a possible storyline, I would expect that the producers and writers would make the finale of season 9 about Voight stepping down/getting promoted, etc.

Q: Did Chicago Justice deserve more episodes? A: I'm sort of split with this question. I loved the fact that there was a big episode involving Kevin, and they always included people from Med, Fire, and PD in some of the episodes. However, the whole plot of the episodes was kind of slow because it wasn't like they were police officers and could go out and chase suspects and arrest people and what not. Their job was just to gather the evidence and then present it in court. I think for many, the show fell flat because there wasn't much action, and part of me does agree with that, but the whole idea of the show itself was kind of cool.

Q: What would make you stop watching each Chicago show? A: This is a tough question because I've only ever dropped one show that I can think of, and it was only because the plotline got really dumb. Maybe if some major characters died in each show I'd stop watching it? But then again, I love the One Chicago universe so much that I don't think even that would stop me from watching. So yeah. I really don't know.

Q: Do you believe in magic? A: As much as I would love for magic to be real, I don't believe it is. But I feel like everyone thinks that way. Cause lets be honest, Harry Potter and Disney make magic look so cool. However, we all know deep down somewhere that it's almost impossible for certain things to be real, and magic just so happens to be one of them.

Q: Are you superstitious? A: I'm not the most superstitious person out there, but I do somewhat follow a few superstitions. Whenever I find a penny on the ground with heads facing up, I pick it up because I believe I'll get good luck. Doing the whole "fingers crossed" thing is something I do a lot. I believe you shouldn't open an umbrella in the house or else you'll receive bad luck. Broken mirrors are bad omens. Those are the top 4 I believe in, but other than that, I'm not really too superstitious.

Q: Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? A: I mean, I would hope so. I appreciate my level of smarts, and whenever my friends acknowledge them or compliment me on them it makes my day. However, with that, people think that I'm always only doing things to boost my intelligence. For example, I love to read. So whenever I say that I didn't do much over the weekend, people always assume that I read a bunch, when I really didn't. Or that I always study for tests or do homework like a week before it's do. That is not the case. But for the most part, I believe my perception of myself is the same as how other people perceive me.

Q: Who is your favorite couple on each One Chicago show? A: Okay, so for Med, there aren't really any couples at the moment besides Maggie and Ben, whom I love but they aren't my favorite, so I'm gonna pick a past couple. When I first started Med, Manstead was my prime ship, so I'll choose them. Will had been pining after Natalie for so long so I was glad when they finally got together. For Fire, it's gotta be Kelly and Stella. They were literally made for each other, and they support each other with everything. Also, they are so cute together and all of Firehouse 51 ships them as well! And for PD, while I do love Burzek, Upstead is my favorite ship at the moment. I've seen the connection between Hailey and Jay since season 5. You don't understand how angry I was in season 7 when Hailey was so close to confessing her feelings. So season 8 made me very happy when Jay and Hailey finally got together.

Q: Jay and Lindsey or Jay and Hailey? A: I respect everyone's opinions on this matter, so hopefully you all respect mine. I thought that Erin was almost toxic in a way for Jay. She continuously broke his heart when all he wanted to do was help him. But what really does it for me is that she left Chicago without telling him goodbye. Hailey, on the other hand, has pushed Jay to seek out help when he needed it, like when she recommended he take seeing a therapist seriously to help with his PTSD, and she is always there for him, no matter what. That's why I believe Hailey and Jay are the better pairing.

Q: Which character death got to you the most? A: There have been too many sad deaths in the One Chicago world. But if I had to pick one, I've gotta go with Otis on Chicago Fire. Otis was always one of my favorite characters, even way back when I watched Fire with my dad when it was first coming out. He was witty and funny, and his friendship with Cruz was everything. So, when I watched the episode where he died, I was full on balling. I had to pause the episode for 10 minutes because I couldn't stop.

Q: Who is your favorite character on each show and why? A: I'm gonna do favorite male and female character because I've got too many favorites from each show. On Med, my favorites are Will and Natalie. Will has been my favorite since day one, and I like that he will go out of his way to help patients, even if it means he could get in serious trouble. Natalie, even though she's not in the show, always pushes for the best of care for her patients, and whenever she dealt with kids it was always the sweetest thing. On Fire, I like Kelly and Sylvie. Kelly is so headstrong and driven, and he will do anything to protect the other members of Squad 3. Sylvie is such a hard worker and you can tell she is passionate about her job. I feel so bad that she's had to go through so many partners. On PD I love Jay and Hailey. Jay has not always been my favorite male character. Back when I watched the show for the first time, I adored Adam. However, I love that Jay has such good morals and is always pushing to do the right thing even when Voight disagreed. Now, it took a few episodes for me to warm up to Hailey, but after seeing her be so badass, it was hard not to like her.

Q: Where do you get inspiration for your stories?/How do you get inspiration when there's not a request? A: This question is always hard to answer because I really don't know. Most of the time I'm fulfilling requests sent in by you guys and I just write what comes to the top of my mind. If there are requests that are not requested and I come up with them on my own, chances are I saw the plot somewhere else, like in a book or show or movie, and I just tweaked it a bit to fit the One Chicago universe. Either that happens, or while I'm trying to fall asleep, I make up random scenarios in my head, and if I find one that I really like, I'll make a note of it on my phone so I don't forget it, and then I'll write about it.

Q: Do you think Brett and Casey are endgame? Why or why not? A: I'm gonna go with yes on this one. Now, Brettsey is not one of my top ships in the universe. However, they are cute together, and I've been expecting them to get together for a while. The two of them, even when Gabby was around, had a great relationship and always cared for each other. Plus, Matt jumped out of a firetruck to go help Sylvie when the ambulance flipped. He was willing to risk an injury just to make sure she was okay. And now that they are officially together in Chicago Fire, you can see that they really love and care for each other.

Q: What inspired you to start writing? A: I always seem to get this question whenever I do a q&a, but that's okay because I don't mind talking about it. I first got into stuff like this as a reader. Basically, I went on to Wattpad and Tumblr to read other people's stories. I had no intention of creating my own. And then, one day, I started imagining myself in some of the fandoms I was apart of, and I thought, "If I'm imagining myself in these fandoms, chances are others are too," and I began creating stories that followed the plots of movies and shows exactly, just adding Y/n in it. However, that got tiring after a while because I wasn't able to have much freedom because I was following a set script, and that's when I remembered I had a Tumblr account I never used. So, I revamped my account just a little bit and started posting story ideas I had that I couldn't post on Wattpad because either they didn't fit with the stories or they were for someone I didn't write for on Wattpad. And now, here we are. For anyone interested, I've posted this before but I'll post it again, my Wattpad handle is @Writer_Reader05.

Q: Jay or Will Halstead? A: I'm sorry, but I really can't choose between the two of them. I love them both so much. Will and Jay are two of my favorite characters in the whole One Chicago universe. While they do have some qualities that I'm not the fondest of, at the end of the day, I adore the both of them, and I could never choose between them.

Q: Who would you rather date: Jay or Will Halstead? A: Why do you guys do this to me? I love them both so much! But, if I have to choose, I'm gonna pick Jay. The only reason is because I like the characters in PD more than Med, so if I'm dating Jay, chances are I'm friends with Hailey and Adam and all of Intelligence. Will is just as awesome as Jay though and I feel like sometimes people sleep on that.

Q: Which of the requested fics you’ve written is your favorite? A: I think I'm gonna have to go with a Jay Halstead x reader I wrote titled Two Becomes Three. Something about the plot just makes me smile. And to think of Jay being a father......So yeah, while I have so many amazing requested fics thanks to you all, that one has to be one of my favorites.

Q: What’s your favorite series you’ve written so far? A: I love all of the series I have written. Something about creating a whole story that's more than just one part is always fun. If I have to pick one series, I'm gonna pick On the Loose. It was the first series I wrote on Tumblr and the plot of it is something I'm really proud of. However, From the Big Apple to the Windy City, Identity Loss, and Difference of Opinion are all amazing! The first two are finished series and the last one still has a few chapters left to go. Go check them out if you haven't already.

Q: What's your favorite imagine you've come up with and why? A: I don't have a lot of fics that are solely my ideas. Most of my stories have plots that were sent in by you all. However, if I had to pick a favorite out of my stories, it'd be Back Home for Christmas, a Halstead Sister fic I released when I was somewhat new to the platform. Something about writing sibling fics always makes me happy because I get to express the familial side to the characters.

Q: If you had to be roommates with 5 of your mutuals/fellow writers, who would you pick and why? A: I love all of my fellow writers/mutuals so much! I know how much work we put into whatever we post, and most of us are very active on this site. As for who I would pick to be my roommates, I'd choose @hereforhalstead @fighterkimburgess @halsteadlover @resanoona @sylviebrettsey because I feel like we'd all have great conversations, mainly over One Chicago. And every Wednesday night we'd all watch the episodes live together and experience them as a group and then freak out over what happened..........Now watch me fantasize about this all day.

Q: Do you listen to music when you write? A: It depends. On some days when I plan that I'm gonna write, then yes, I do put on some music. When there are days that I have a few minutes to spare, I don't put on music just because I'm only writing for a few minutes and I don't want to waste time. But mostly when I'm writing I do play music in the background.

Q: Do you know how your fics/stories end before you finish writing it? A: This is a really interesting question. The answer is no, I do not know how I'm gonna end a fic before I finish writing it. The only story I had a set ending for was my series On the Loose, but that one wasn't even fully planned out until I got a chapter or two in. Obviously, if I get a request that includes a set ending, like two characters get together or something like that, then I know what the ending will be. Otherwise, I have no clue.

Q: Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? A: You know, I can't say that I have. Everyone is different in their own way, and that's what makes us all unique. I would imagine if I did meet someone with a similar personality we'd get along because we'd basically be a carbon copy of each other, but who knows. Maybe our similar personalities would cause us to clash.

Q: Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? A: Not really. I know myself more than anyone else so I know what my limits are and when I've reached them. With people, on the other hand, I always feel like they can be doing more with themselves and their lives. So I do not hold myself to higher standards than others.

Thank you to all of you who sent in questions! I never thought I'd reach 750 followers on this platform. The only reason I have is all thanks to you wonderful people out there!

@winterberryfox @maximeevansblog @scarletsoldierrr @i-like-sparkly-things @dreamingmanip @soph0864 @ryliegh8 @lorenakaspersen @wanniiieeee @nevertoofarfromivar @securityfriendly-jay @pinkbay-love @stephie123

[mollymawkwrites]

I just read (and reread sgdfhjlkl) your prison fic for watb and I'm having. Feelings. Primarily about cultivating vulnerability and tenderness in an oppressive and toxic environment which 😭

This AU is giving me so many questions tho. Presuming they continue building a relationship (which of course I'm going to presume) how will it progress? What kind of psychological toll will it take on them to keep up the performance, on Geralt particularly? I imagine it being painful for him to have to be so cold and forceful with Jaskier, especially as they grow closer, but does the greater objective of protecting him make it bearable? I feel like Jaskier would be more able to compartmentalize it, but could it get to be too much for him as well? What happens if it gets to a point where Geralt can't hide his affection for Jaskier, will that be used against them - not only by fellow inmates but by the guards? The wrath of the system is what's getting to me the most. Will Jaskier keeping Geralt "under control" as it were (meaning not tearing through new cellmates on a regular basis) be enough to maintain the status quo or will the guards find it more entertaining to play with them? Splitting them up, putting Jaskier with other more violent inmates or just torturing him themselves to torment Geralt? Will it get to the point where Geralt just tears the entire prison down and they run away to live out their days on the lam, maybe settle down on a lovely little coast in Mexico? (we can only hope) Also, what are they in for in the first place? Will Jaskier get out before Geralt? If Geralt's been routinely assaulting (or murdering??) other inmates is he EVER getting out? What will Jaskier do?

The whole situation has me thinking about the (woefully short) story of Butch and Wesley from the documentary "The Fear of 13" (which is very good, highly recommend and I think it's available on kanopy rn) where they were lovers on the outside and when Butch was arrested Wesley intentionally committed crimes so they could be together. Eventually they got separated and one of them was going to be moved to a different prison so that last night they sang to each other from across the cell block and the (usually tyrannical) guards let them have their goodbye. It's so soft yet tragic and I have so many feelings and I wish we knew what happened to them.

I'm sorry this is such a massively long ask, I've literally been thinking about this all evening and had to make some kind of comment 😅 your writing is lovely and I will definitely be reading more of it! (so maybe I'll be assaulting your inbox again soon dfghjjkl)

Gods Anon, I had such trouble keeping plot from sneaking into this fic, and you are not helping! I've been thinking about it all day long because of you!

I think Geralt would suffer greatly, both from his own self-loathing at "forcing" Jaskier to do things he couldn't possibly want to do with a monster like him 🙄 and from the opinion everyone else around them has of him. Jaskier would try to make him understand that he is very much willing, but Geralt's skull is thick and that would take some time for them to even be able to admit to themselves that they are in a relationship together. Of course having to keep up the act of the White Wolf and its pretty young prey would blur the lines in their relationship: what is an act and what is real? They both enjoy the roughness and the name-calling and the role play more than just for show. I think Jaskier too feels guilty about forcing sweet Geralt into it. Lots of guilt on both sides and no way to deal with it healthily in this violent, toxic environment.

I can see them managing to create a little bubble of happiness together though, despite the guards expecting Jaskier to keep Geralt on a leash and the inmates constantly poking at them to see if something gives. Once they get to talk and explain that they both very much want to be with each other outside of their farce, that, would the circumstances have been different, they would have asked the other on dates and had a sweet first kiss and maybe a house and a dog (not me crying about my own AU), they find a balance and a way to keep other people's venom from chipping at their love. Maybe they find allies too, jail can't be filled only with enemies after all...

As for why they are in jail for in the first place, I have to admit I hadn't settled on an explanation as I was writing it. I think Geralt has been set up by someone, probably Stregobor, because of an event similar to what happened in Blaviken? So while his "crimes" are not as bad as anything Jaskier might be imagining (and oh, imagine the angst potential of Jaskier torturing himself over what the man he is falling in love with could possibly have done to have end up in jail), he still sees himself as a monster who made the wrong choices and is not deserving of Jaskier's love.

For Jaskier, I'm not so sure, to be honest. What do you think he could be in for?

Although I am a sucker for angst, I couldn't survive a bad ending, but I don't have a clue on what could happen to them. They could escape, helped maybe by Eskel and Lambert on the outside, or some of Jaskier's shadiest friends; or Jaskier could find a way to have Geralt pardoned, and Stregobor in jail/killed at the same time, because that's what the fucker deserves.

I haven't heard of that story you talked about, but I'll make sure to check the documentary, it sounds very beautiful and heartbreaking. As I was writing the fic, I remembered that movie with Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor, I Love You Phillip Morris, that I used to love as a kid. I might watch it again, for... Inspiration ;)

Thank you so much for your ask, and please, don't hesitate to assault my inbox again, it made my day! (Though I might have to add another WIP to the list now.... sigh)

[kayleebreanne09]

I feel so sad!

John b x reader. With a little bit of ex Rafe x reader.

So I was listening to the song You should be sad by Halsey. I’m lowkey obsessed with it & I immediately thought about this blurb idea. So the reader was with Rafe, they had a really toxic relationship & she ran away. John b saves her & puts her back together. Obviously Halsey wrote this amazing song but just for the sake of the fic, the (Y/n) character writes it. Alright I hope y’all like this because it was really fun to write. Love yall💜

It’d been 3 months since you’d ran away from everything kook related. 3 months that a certain messy haired brunette pogue had spent trying to piece your heart back together. 3 months since you ended the most toxic relationship you’ve ever had in your life. You sat on the log, curled up against John B in front of the nightly fire y’all had at the chateau. On your other side was Kie, smiling happily at you, & across the fire, JJ & Pope goofed off. These were your people now. They’d put you back together when it seemed impossible that all the pieces would ever fit right again. JJ made some stupid joke & everyone just groaned but I couldn’t help but laugh. He jumped up & ran over to me to high five me! He threw his hand up in the air a little too close to me & my body automatically flinched. My heart started to race & my vision started to go fuzzy. I ran inside, desperately trying to get air into my lungs. I raced into the bathroom, jumping in the shower & turning the water on. I sank to the floor of the shower, all my clothes still on. I sat there with my knees up to my chest & my arms curled around them, trying to keep myself from breaking. I heard footsteps & a deep sigh that I knew belonged to my boyfriend. I felt John B step into the shower behind me, sitting down with his legs on either side of me & leaning up so his head was resting on my back. “Baby, breathe. You are safe. You aren’t with Rafe anymore, no one will ever touch you again. I will always protect you” he whispered slowly drawing words on my back. He sat there drawing random shapes as the water soaked ya both. “Let’s play a game...guess what I’m writing” he then drew what felt like 12 letters. “J” I guessed for the first letter. “Yes!” He replied...we went on like that until I figured it out. “JJ is a dumbass? Really John B?” I let out a small laugh. “Okay next one” John B said as he started drawing his fingertip along the sopping wet back of my shirt. “I love you” I guessed once he’d finished the last letter. He pulled me back against him & I felt some of the tension leave my body. “Yes. & I’ll never stop loving you. I will always be the best I can for you, I’ll never let you go through what you went through before” he stated, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “I love you John B. So much” I said turning & giving him a long kiss, hoping that he could feel just how much I needed him.

The next day, I was sitting on the kitchen counter watching John B make pancakes. My gaze kept drifting out the window to the calm water. Last night had stirred up some memories that were hard to deal with. Poor John B had been up half the night trying to soothe me back to sleep from my stupid nightmares. “Hey babe” John b said pulling my attention back to him. “Yeah baby, what’s up?” I asked smiling at him. “If you’re getting overwhelmed with stuff from the past, maybe you should write about it” he offered, looking back to the pan to flip the pancake. John b knew that I loved writing. It helped me get everything out. I wouldn’t call myself a song writer but I did love taking things that I’d been through & putting them into lyrics that maybe other people could relate to. If I could just help one person get through something, it’d be making a difference & that was all that I wanted. I jumped down & went to hug him from the back. I rested my head against his warm skin & just enjoyed the feeling of having John B in my arms. “That’s a good idea!” I said pressing a quick kiss to his back. “Good! Because I already texted Kie & she’s bringing her ukulele over to help” he said spinning around & swatting me on the butt with the spatula. I stood on my tip toes & pressed my lips to his as he pulled me into him. “You really are the best” I breathed out.

Kie & I sat in the hammock together, legs intertwined. She had her ukulele in her lap & I had my lyric book in mine. She reached over & pulled my pencil from behind my ear, & slid it into my hand. “Get to writing sister, I need to hear what these lyrics sound like before I can come up with a melody. Also, I’m sorry about JJ last night. He didn’t know your history with Rafe & pope chewed his ass pretty good about it.” She said as she laughed loudly. “It’s fine Kie. I just, I know what I want to say...I guess it’s just putting it into actual words is hard. Like I’m not conflicted, I’m 100% over Rafe, I just feel like none of his friends will tell him the truth. They won’t tell him that he’s turned into this monster & I feel like maybe if someone would just be honest with him, maybe he could change & find happiness in his life like I have with John B” I smiled toward the dock where John B was cleaning out the HMS Pogue. “Start there then!” Kie replied. & I did. My mind drifted back...

“Rafe, you’ve got to stop with the drugs. I can help you! You aren’t you anymo-“ I was cut off my his hand grabbing my throat & shoving me back against the wall. “Don’t tell me what I’ve got to do bitch” he snarled. His eyes were dark & pupils so dilated that I didnt even see the man that I’d grown to care about anymore. “I NEED the money, the drugs, the nice cars...I don’t need you. So you better watch the way you’re talking to me” he said, finally releasing my throat. I sank to the floor rubbing my neck where I knew bruises would form later. I took a deep breath & stood up. “I won’t do this anymore. You’ve broken me enough. You are toxic & I’m done. I’m gone & don’t you dare try to find me” I took one final look at the monster he’d become & walked away.

Kie watched as I stared off, my eyes tearing up. I felt her grab my hand & squeeze, just letting me know she was there. “I know what to write!” I said quickly scribbling down everything I wanted to say.

“I wanna start this out and say

I gotta get it off my chest

Got no anger, got no malice

Just a little bit of regret

Know nobody else will tell you

So there's some things I gotta say

Gonna jot it down and then get it out

And then I'll be on my way

No, you're not half the man you think that you are

And you can't fill the hole inside of you with money, drugs and cars

I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you

'Cause you can't love nothin' unless there's somethin' in it for you

Oh, I feel so sorry

I feel so sad

I tried to help you

It just made you mad

And I had no warnin'

About who you are

I'm just glad I made it out without breakin' down

And then ran so fuckin' far

That you would never ever touch me again

Won't see your alligator tears

'Cause, no, I've had enough…”

Kie leaned over eyes scanning over what I’d written. “(Y/N) this is good. No, it’s amazing. I mean, I don’t even know what to say” she said hugging me tightly. “Thanks for always being there Kie” I said, leaning my head on her shoulder as the hug ended. “Now let’s get to work on this melody!”

A month passed & id been hired to play at midsummers. JJ had heard the song Kie & I came up with at the chateau & while working one day, he heard about talent tryouts to play at midsummers. He relayed the message & Kie & I went & tried out. Apparently they liked us because we were one of the acts that were hired to play. Everything went so fast & suddenly, it was a couple hours before midsummers was supposed to start. I stood in John B’s room, sliding on the dress that I’d gotten. It was a deep vneck off white dress with silver beading. John B walked in & wrapped his arms around me, looking at our reflection in the mirror. “You are so beautiful baby. You are going to be amazing tonight” I smiled at his reflection. “Are you sure you & JJ can pull off sneaking in as waiters?” I questioned. “Of course sweetheart, we are total badassea at going incognito” he said smirking. I turned around, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Good. I don’t think I could get through tonight without you” I whispered. He leaned down & brought his lips to mine. “You’ll never have to go through anything without me” he said squeezing my hips, pulling me closer to him & refusing to let me go until it was time to leave.

The lights facing the stage were blinding. I felt way too many eyes on me & way too many kooks judging me. Kie nudged my arm, smiling over at me & started to play. I put every ounce of emotion that I had into that performance. All the sadness from an ended relationship, & all the hope that I had that one day Rafe would find happiness. He & I were never meant to be, I understood that now. I just wanted him to get the help he needed. A single tear slipped down my face as I sang the last line. I wiped it away, grabbing Kies hand & bowing as the crowd cheered. I scanned the crowd to see Pope, JJ, & John B cheering in the back! “That’s my girl!” John b hollered. Security saw him & started making their way over. “Shit. Come on guys! Mandatory pogue meeting at the chateau!” JJ yelled. Kie ran to JJ as he spun her around & she then threw her arms around JJ & Pope. “Cmon baby!” John b yelled. I yanked up the bottom of my dress, kicked off my heels, grabbing them off the ground & took off running....Launching myself into his waiting arms. He kissed me long & hard. “Time to go!” He said pulling my hand & dancing away right as the pissed off security guard dove at us. I threw my head back laughing as John B bent down & I jumped on his back. He carried me all the way to the waiting HMS Pogue & we all rode off into the night.

Rafe stood in silence staring after the girl he had lost. He knew he’d done everything wrong in the relationship. Maybe she was right. Maybe the drugs couldn’t fill the hole he had inside. He decided then & there that he would get clean. He would fix things with his dad. He finally had closure, & maybe one day, he would find the love that he knew she had found.

[221bshrlocked]

Oh im sorry i guess ny saracasm didnt come off to well in the way i typed it! I definitely meant it in like a sarcastic tone. Like of of course fan fiction is worse *followed by an exaggerated eye roll*

Like i want Frankie Morales to break my bed frame. How is writing about that worse then literally messaging people Pedro knows irl and harassing them about who hes dating.

Like do those people literally not have a brain? Are they that much of a puritan that sex fics about people who arent real is bad, but harassing a real human man about his none of our buisness sexuality is fine???

Why are these kind of women always so obsessed with men they are attracted to being in a gay relationship?? Like why is my harmless smut so bad but their weird gay men fetish not??

This is why I stay out of the pedro tag. I just look at it occasionally, and point like that Simpson's joke going "Good lord whats going on in there?!"

When I tell you I feel like the dumbest person ever for not catching the sarcasm 😩😩 but I genuinely thought you meant it because everyone in the tag certainly means it lol

But it's like you said, it's hilarious in a depressing way. I'm honest to God convinced that every time some take like this spreads like wild fire and starts am unnecessary debate and makes the fandom toxic, it's either because of minors who claim that they aren't minors but the thought process obviously makes it clear that they are younglings OR as with the case in the ever existing star wars fandom, it's the sexist homophobic racist fandom boys. In the case of the Pedro Pascal fandom, it's the former.

I think I'll take a page out of your book and stay away from that tag. Thanks for the tip 🥲🙃